Me and Ry stepped off the five hour and fifteen-minute flight from DC to SF, ecstatic to be out of our seats and moving. The trip 36,000+ miles up was long, uneventful (minus some turbulence), and pretty boring. Walking into a brisk 61 degrees, The Bay Area was exhilarating. I have been feigning for a break from the scorching summer days of DC. Needless to say, it was awesome to have on a sweater and jeans and be kissed by the chilled breeze, simultaneously.
We were in San Francisco for a Porsche event. It was a blast! In a couple of weeks, we will be getting a new Porsche to drive around in for a few days; we are going on a road trip and documenting the entire thing (stay tuned)! I think it's safe to say that we are beside ourselves with excitement.
Before leaving, we had our second IUI (if you aren't hip to our TTC journey, get familiar here), so that means we did not make a baby in magical Sedona, AZ on our honeymoon. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't devasted because I was. The first two days of my period I cried and was absolutely beside myself. I keep telling myself that there is a lesson in this journey and that our baby is coming...but damn it's hard. IUI #2 was annoying, to say the least. That's the best way I can describe it. Ryan was at work, and I wanted him with me. Nevertheless, I sucked it up and got the job done. An upside to the appointment was the doctor and assistant; they were both lovely and warm to me, that always helps. I am now in yet another 2ww (two-week wait), but this time, I feel a little less anxious.
Lately, I have been reflecting on our miscarriage in January. I would've been due around 9/11 if we didn't lose the pregnancy. As I approach my due date, with no baby to show for it, my heart feels funny. I have waves of extreme emotions that shift to numbness. It's almost like I don't know how to respond to all the feelings that arise. I have been trying to ease through them the best way I know how. All I can do is trust God and the divine timing of the Universe. Things get even more tricky for me emotionally sometimes because Ryan's sister is pregnant. She's due in October, just a month after I would've been. For me, it's difficult for many reasons, but I am working on not comparing other's situations to mine. I try my best to be as happy as I can for Ryan and his family. I also have two friends who are pregnant and one who just had a baby. I feel very overwhelmed by it all. I am still trying to pinpoint why exactly. I guess, in the meantime, as I heal and grow, I have to remind myself that our turn is coming; we just don't know when.
All in all, I am glad that we were on travel shortly after the procedure. It was nice to get away and not sit around and twiddle our thumbs. We stayed busy in SF and had a lot of fun. I low key want to move to northern California. The little bit that I saw made me love it and the mild chilly to warm weather was such a bonus! I get to go back next month for another fun project, and I can't wait to explore some more.